This week an awful road accident happened locally that has really distressed me – I can’t stop thinking about it. It was about 10 miles from my house, on a stretch on motorway that my friends and I drive daily. It happened as I drove in the other direction, to Bristol.

Rebecca Evans who was only 27, died instantly in the three-vehicle pile-up on the motorway just three weeks before she was due to give birth. Her husband Alex and son Cian, who is only 2, survived the accident. A man was arrested for dangerous driving. All of their families’ lives are irrevocably changed – just 4 weeks before Christmas. Just so sad.

I don’t know why this specific incident has affected me so much, maybe because this was out of Rebecca’s control and her fate was in the hands of this other man. However, it’s made me really focus this week on being thankful for every second of my life, because in a split second everything can change forever.

Tell your loved ones right now that you love them, miss them and value them. Pick up the phone, go and visit.

See you friends as much as you can. Enjoy the time together.

Don’t keep friends who are toxic and drag you down. Don’t stay in relationships you can’t be happy in. Busy people often just keep on doing things with people who are not very nice to them! These relationships make you feel deeply unhappy.

Eat the cake. Walk when you can. Take pictures. Print the pictures – don’t store them all on a camera or phone where no one else sees them.

Put your tree up – don’t worry about the rules about when is the ‘right time’ for your Christmas decorations!

Make sure you don’t leave a mess behind.

Write a will. Leave provision for your family, so you know they will be ok, no matter what.

Accept you can only do so much in life but try and make every day count.

 

New York. The city where it feels like anything is possible.

Pancakes anytime of the day, all the art you can absorb, shop till you drop in major stores or local crafts , choose from over 20 Broadway shows each night, eat all types of food and see people pushing dogs in prams and no one batting an eye lid. It was great.

To really experience it, I had to walk A LOT. I hope my feet recover in time for my Brothers Anglo-Sikh wedding next weekend. (That will be another blog all of its own I think!)

Everyone speaks about central park being amazing, but until you get there, you just can’t comprehend how special it is. Surrounded by skyscrapers and traffic in the city 24-7, you come across this idyllic area, which smells so so fresh and clean. It really is something special. The other things I really enjoyed were being by the water, anywhere along the Hudson River, and walking the High Line. Little bits of green and clean air in the massive concrete jungle.

While I was there I met my Twitter friend, Giovana. We’ve never met before, only messaged via social media. She has a fluffy cat like Basil, called Tiger. To some this may sound strange, but I can’t see its any stranger than online dating or having a pen pal – and at least we knew we had cats in common!

Originally from Brazil, she moved to New York when she married a guy from there. We got on really well and enjoyed chatting over some good food and wine about our lives, jobs, family and of course, cats. We visited the Cat Café, Little Lions http://www.littlelionsnyc.com/ and that was so much fun.

It was great to have some company on a few days, but to be honest, I enjoyed experiencing the city on my own and selfishly, doing everything I wanted to do, without any arguments or tension.

I got to do two of my favourite things; see some beautiful (and some crazy) art and to shop. It was great and I will have to go back sometime.

In other news, Basil turned three last week. I got him a tie to wear (from New York of course). He doesn’t like it much though, I had to distract him to get this picture.

 

At the moment life is really busy. I always knew 2016 would be, with weddings, milestone birthdays, holidays and work, but it’s flying by so fast and I feel tired a lot of the time, not just physically, but mentally too.

I am lucky really….most of my busy is good, happy stuff and really exciting – but sometimes I am finding I forget to really appreciate the fun, happiness and time spent with friends and family. Often I find my happiness is also accompanied by a small amount of anxiousness, stress or a freak-out moment – when I think about the next thing I’m doing!

So, for this blog post I thought I would focus on some simple things that I’ve read that can help us tune into our ‘happy brain’.

How we experience life boils down to the chemicals in our brain. Happiness, sadness, anger, anxiety – all can be traced to what’s going on inside our head.

Happiness can be found in the seemingly insignificant, mundane things we do every day. These give your brain a boost of feel-good chemicals and keeps them flowing.

Our brains are positive feedback systems, meaning that being happy often leads to more happiness – and that sounds good to me!

So here goes, my top 5 Happy Brain “pills”…

1. Give or get a hug – A long hug releases the neurotransmitter oxytocin, the bonding hormone. It calms down fear and just makes you feel warm and fuzzy.
2. Get out in the sun – Bright sunlight helps boost the production of serotonin in your brain. Make an effort to get outside on your lunch hour or go for a walk on a sunny day. We are due some sun this weekend – so we should all feel better!
3. Remember some happy memories – Even if they are nostalgic and make you cry initially, just thinking about happy times boosts serotonin levels in your brain. Serotonin is necessary for the highest functioning of your prefrontal cortex, the executive, which controls self-reflection and your emotions, helping it to override old knee-jerk patterns.
4. Spend time with a pet – Just stroking your pet or even someone else’s can increase the oxytocin, endorphins, and dopamine in your brain. Several studies have shown that having a pet can reduce depression, encourage healthier habits, and increase feelings of connectedness. You can all borrow Basil if you like. He is a great stress reducer!
5. Full ‘body scan’ meditation breathing – Starting by taking long, deep breaths into your tummy, which slows your heart rate and activates calm. Guide your attention to the top of your head and then slowly downwards through every part of your body, being aware only of the sensations on your body and letting all muscles relax, all the time maintaining steady breathing and trying to zone out from noises around you.

Finally, smile and laugh…. It’s a simple thing to do and but it really does improve your mood.

This picture is from the Instabooth at Rebecca’s wedding at the weekend, which was full of smiles, fun and happiness 🙂

 

I went along to a different line dancing class this week. It was great fun and full of enthusiastic people, good tunes (a mix of fast, modern songs and then the old-time country classics) and quick complex dances.

The joy of it was that the dances pushed me and I really had to work hard – my old class had gotten a little easy.

I danced next to a lady – who must have been 80 years old – to Lady Gaga’s Pokerface!

It was brilliant and inspiring. I’d love to be doing that when I am 80. I am going to add that to my ‘plan’.

I started to think about dance being more than just an enjoyable activity to experience with friends or your partner; but as a way to keep you young, mentally ‘with it’ and fit!

Then today I read an article about how dance can improve the way your brain functions and reduce the risk of dementia.

The number of people suffering with Dementia is set to double in the next 20 years. I talk about this regularly with some of my older clients – how they are keeping active and maintaining their mental sharpness.

The 21-year study, led by the Albert Einstein College of Medicine in New York City of senior citizens, 75 and older, was undertaken to measure mental acuity in aging and to do this they monitored rates of dementia, including Alzheimer’s disease.

The study aimed to see if any physical or cognitive recreational activities influenced mental acuity.  They discovered that some activities had a significant beneficial effect.  Other activities had none. One of the surprises of the study was that almost none of the physical activities they tested appeared to offer any protection against dementia.  Of course, there will be cardiovascular benefits, but the focus of this study was the mind.

The one exception was undertaking frequent dancing. Dancing reduced risk of dementia by 76%, whilst Reading reduced this by 35%, doing Crossword Puzzles (at least 4 times a week) reduced this the risk by 47% and Golf by 0%.

My Dad will be pleased – he does the crosswords, rather than golf!

So how and why dancing? Well, dancing helps in variety of ways:

Quick decisions and intelligence

Intelligence – we all know the saying – ‘use it or lose it’!

Dancing is fast paced and means making quick decisions. It requires instant responses to questions like Which way to turn? What speed to move your body? What do I do if miss a step/get out of rhythm?

Therefore, dancing is an excellent way to maintain and enhance your intelligence.

Muscle Memory

Part of dancing in a class is you start by ‘learning’ the dance. You start by walking through movements slowly and repeating this. Every individual probably then attaches each move to a cue – be this the step before or the music.

Research shows that this slow walk through and memorising a dance lessens the conflict between the cognitive and physical aspects of dance and that this can help improve muscle memory.

It can slow down aging and boost memory

It’s a well-accepted fact that as we get older brain cells die and mental paths become weaker. Nouns, like names of people, are harder to remember because there is only one mental pathway that leads us to this stored information in our brain and this pathway could be lost.

If you work on learning new things, like dance, you can work on building different mental routes and many paths in your brain. So if one path is lost as a result of age, you have an alternative path that you can use to access stored information and memories.

So, in conclusion….Get your groove on and dance!

Dance can be a great way to maintain and improve many of your brain functions as well as exercise and ….. its fun!

With dancing we get to use several brain functions at once; rational, musical, kinesthetic, and emotional.

So, dance now, dance often, and then we can all get together and dance to Lady Gaga when we are 80!

Can you name all the bank accounts and credit card accounts you and your husband/partner own jointly and individually?

Do you know how much you owe on your mortgage?

Can you say with certainty how much your partner earns, including base salary, bonuses, pension contributions, benefits? Or what your monthly expenses are?

In other words, can you list all of your income, expenses, assets and liabilities?

Unfortunately, far too many women can’t make that kind of list. Many women are less confident than men about their ability to manage their cash flow and debt, their investments and prepare for their retirement. Many simply are not familiar with even the basics of their family finances.

I struggle to understand this, but then I am single, my affairs are relatively simple and as I get older the more resolutely independent I get…. I’ve never understood friends who have to ask their partner for cash for a night out or the pin number for their joint account.

Why do women struggle? Is it because women have been socialised to think they are bad with money, that it’s unfeminine or not our “job”?

I think the issues probably start long before any mutually financially dependent relationships you may get into – and it’s really all to do with learning to be financially literate.

In 2008, President George W. Bush created the first ever President’s Advisory Council on Financial Literacy. That Council defined financial literacy as “the ability to use knowledge and skills to manage financial resources effectively for a lifetime of financial well-being.”

“Financial Literacy” – It’s not about luck or about being in the right place at the right time. Instead, it’s about educating yourself and learning how to manage your financial resources.

But how can we do this? It’s not taught in school and it’s not something any teenager is probably that interested in – I certainly didn’t!

I don’t mind admitting its taken some time for me to obtain this ‘financial literacy’ and understanding. Clearly, my training and job has helped… but for the early years of work I still had very little real awareness about money and its impact on my financial well-being.

A lot of this is about your relationship with money. It’s about asking questions and coming up with your own ‘financial plan’ – no matter how simple or complex.

My experience with friends and clients has also shown me that your own financial education must start by being open and honest with your partner and addressing heavy topics, like family history of money and imbalances such as debt, emotional spending, and under-earning.

We need to change the attitude of “my partner sorts all that” or “I’m not interested as long as I have enough to buy my shoes and go on holiday”. Or worst still “I earn less so I can’t ask for that”.

Why? Because it’s just too dangerous to ignore it. We all need our own pension / savings and a level of independence – even of you are in a wonderful loving and ‘equal’ relationship.

As a financial planner I see two scenarios regularly that prove why this is vitally important for women.

1. A very happy relationship – The relationship is wonderful and you spend many happy years together until the husband/male partner dies (or becomes incapacitated). Then the woman realises she is completely uninformed about any details of her family’s financial affairs. As a result, she feels overwhelmed and emotional and can become an easy mark for unscrupulous con artists/scams – or it’s quite likely she will simply make devastating financial mistakes on her own.
2. A very unhappy relationship – The marriage / relationship ends and leads to divorce / break up. This is when a woman who has not been involved the family finances finds she is forced into constant catch-up mode, she likely has no idea where to begin, what to look for, what to do. Meanwhile, her husband/partner knows everything and could be hiding assets and setting things up to his advantage. (And who knows? He could have been doing just that for years!)

So, it may be daunting, but it’s really important to have the often daunting “money talk”…. Be this with just yourself so you know where you are and where you want to be; at the start of a relationship or define your mutual goals and ambitions; or even into a well-established marriage, so that you both know you are financially aware of your mutual situation and family finances.

After all, matters of the wallet can be just as important as matters of the heart.

Research on naps, meditation, nature walks and the habits of exceptional artists and athletes reveals how mental breaks – ‘downtime’ – increase productivity, replenish attention, solidify memories and encourage creativity.

Most working people are preoccupied about their work, tasks, or future to do’s, most of the time they are awake.

Getting enough downtime is even an essential element to maintaining good mental health and ensuring your make the most of you working hours and productivity.

Everyone has different ways of getting ‘downtime’.  It doesn’t mean the same thing to everyone, it may be chilling with a film, doing some craft, reading, having a nap, going for a run, having a holiday. Any way you manage to shut off from the everyday ‘noise’ and relax.

I find more and more now I suddenly “blow up” – my brain just can’t take any more in and just need quiet, alone time. This morning I’ve had a lovely day with my parents, Geraldine and Jackson. We’ve been for a walk, had a nice lunch and goooed and gaaaaahed at Jackson. It was lovely and I miss it when I can’t do it, but now, I need some time out and probably a nap!

I am in the privileged position that I can take that time out…. do what I want most of the time. I believe it helps me to be more productive, happy and positive.

I know how much my friend Cerian misses her daytime naps now she has two little girls. I know how much Geraldine and Steve miss watching an entire film without interruption. But they do have little people reliant on them, and who give them great joy and maybe that outweighs the joy of a daytime nap!…

I certainly work much better when I manage to achieve regular breaks and downtime. It’s not so much for me about having several weeks off for long holidays, it’s about getting out in the fresh air, exercise, naps, doing stuff I like that’s not work related and chilling with Basil in front of the TV.

Here’s what I think are the key 3 types of downtime:

Sleep – Solid, good quality sleep gives your brain the possibility to revive itself and the body. It’s an opportunity to incorporate everything you’ve experienced during the day. Some people I know say they can do with only a couple of hours of sleep per night, but I’m most productive, creative and happy when I sleep a solid 7-8 hours’ sleep.

Holiday – A longer period (at least three to five days) of being away from work is a great way to reenergise. By being away from your normal routine, you get the chance to look at your life from a different perspective.

Regular breaks – this is both the smallest and the hardest challenge I think for people day-to-day. It’s those little nuggets of emptiness in your head that come from meditation, a walk in nature, doing some sports or just having a few hours quiet after work at the end of your working day. They sound easy enough, as they are relatively short, but the challenge is in the continuity. Our brain needs this type of downtime several times during the day and this helps us process everything we absorb.

So, I am signing off for some downtime….(or naptime!)

Hashtag’s. A lot of people don’t really understand them, but use them. Some don’t use them. Some say they don’t use Twitter and so don’t use them.

Nowadays hastags’s (#) are used for all forms of social media, Facebook, Web, Instagram, Google+ – you name it. So, it’s important to know what they actually do.

So, what is it? What’s it for? What’s the benefit of using one?

Introduced in 2007, the hashtag is the most popular means of being able to categorise content on social media.

By using a hashtag preceding or after a word or phrase – this becomes a click-able link to that particular topic of conversation. It makes your own content discoverable to others and allows you to find relevant content from other people and businesses.

The hashtag also allows you to connect with and engage other social media users based on a common theme or interest. They may not know you, or follow you, but they may get to see your content or topic, because of your hashtag.

The #catsoftwitter use them SO SO well.

Basil regularly tweets with his #jellybellyfriday picture. If anyone searches this #jellybellyfriday hashtag they get to see lots of cute cats showing their bellies.

It works for other topics too, for TV or serious topics, for example: #GBBO (Great British Bake Off), #GPTD (Great Pottery Throw Down), #newsnight #financialplanning #mentalhealth

Twitter’s own research shows that the use of hashtags in a post can lead to double the used engagement for individuals and 50% more for companies and brands. The research is a couple of years old, and only conducted on approximately 150 brands, but there are numerous other reports that show similar findings too.

The hashtag symbol is like having an online filter that shows you only the news you want to see in real-time, as the stories evolve.

Tips

# Make the hashtag specific. The more specific, the more targeted the audience. If you don’t have your own personal or business hashtag, find one or two existing ones that really fit what you are posting about.

# Be relevant. Make it easy for people to find your content, by making the hashtag relevant to your topic

# Be observant. Pay attention to the other hashtags used about your topic / picture. You may discover a popular hashtag you hadn’t thought of on your own, which could be of benefit. You can do this by starting to type your hashtag and see what comes up in the search bar.

Note: While hashtags on all social networks have the same fundamental purpose of content tagging, the use of hashtags still varies. For example, Instagram hashtags are often more focused on your description of the photo you are posting. This is different to Twitter, where hashtags tend to be more focused a topic of conversation.

My social media

I have been working hard to use hashtags with my social media for work, as well as for Basil’s tweeting!

With BFP I regularly use #mondaymotivation #toptiptuesday and #fridayfeeling with our overiding main hashtag /theme being #planitwell.

Have a search and see what you find – both for cats and more serious subjects!